How big is your marriage’s “joy gap”?
Dr. Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey, authors of the book The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages, describe a “joy gap” as the length of time between moments of joy. If you apply that unit of measurement to your marriage, how long has it been? Days? Weeks? Months?
Your joy gap can be especially lengthy if you’re waiting for your circumstances to change on their own, for your spouse to make you joyful, or for God to zap you with joy. None of those are likely to happen.
Fortunately, couples can choose to be happier, both individually and together. Dr. Warner and Chris say that joy must be cultivated. As Adam and Eve tended the garden (Genesis 2:15), so we must tend the garden of our marriage. We must pull weeds, work the soil, and intentionally pursue joy in our relationship.
If you want a joy-filled marriage, remember the acronym PLAN to help you build habits that create joy.
- Play. Do things together. Treat your spouse as you would a friend with whom you enjoy spending time.
- Listen for emotion. Hear how your spouse is feeling. Help them feel seen, heard, and understood.
- Appreciate daily. Let your spouse know every day how they impact your life for the better.
- Nurture a rhythm of rest. Couples can only foster joy when they have sufficient margin in life.
Focus on the Family is here to equip you with the tools you need to cultivate a spirit of joy in your marriage. Join me for my full conversation with Dr. Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Listen on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.
Dr. Warner is the president of Deeper Walk International. Chris is an ordained minister and pastoral counselor. Their book, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages, is available for a gift of any amount. Click here for more information.
